Sometimes a relationship can be fragile, and when it ends, there are often many unanswered questions.
Why is this happening? What did I do wrong? Why are only assholes attracted to me?
Often, these questions arise at the end of a relationship, and we can’t answer them. In fact, we often just say, “Maybe he wasn’t meant for me.”
But to be able to learn from a mistake, we must first identify it.
Here are 5 small mistakes that can destroy a relationship.
1. Expecting Perfection
Perfection is a myth. You can’t have a perfect relationship. You can’t have a perfect girlfriend. You can’t have a perfect wife.
We often believe that if we find our soulmate, everything will be perfect. So what happens? When we discover that our partner isn’t as perfect as we expected, we run away, assuming they’re not our soulmate.
Or perhaps you believed other people’s opinions about what a perfect relationship looks like, believing in soap opera stories about the sweetness of a perfect relationship. Then, because your relationship wasn’t that perfect, you chose to end it to find a new, far more perfect one.
Understand that your relationship may be different from those depicted in soap operas or fairy tales. No couple is perfect, and no relationship is perfect. And we can’t expect our partners, ourselves, or our relationships to be perfect like those depicted in soap operas or fairy tales.
2. Sacrifice
What? Sacrifice? Isn’t sacrifice the foundation of a lasting relationship?
Many couples say the secret to their happy relationship is sacrifice. Yes, I’m sure their relationships are happy. But they may be using the word “sacrifice” incorrectly.
Let Men-id explain first.
So what does sacrifice mean? It occurs when two people have different ideas, desires, needs, etc., and to maintain peace between the two, a sacrifice is made. Usually, in a sacrifice, one person gets (a little) more of what they want—we’ll call them the Winner. The other person gets less of what they want—they’re the one who sacrifices—we’ll call them the Loser.
The Loser’s generosity leads them to sacrifice, sacrificing ideas, desires, needs, and so on, for the sake of a peaceful relationship. This is effective in maintaining a relationship, but only in the short term—as long as the sacrificer’s patience is sufficient.
It is clear that in the word “sacrifice” there are 2 parties – the Winner and the Loser, right?
Here, the Loser continues to make sacrifices because he hopes that one day his partner will make the same sacrifice, so he can also experience being a Winner. But what if his partner doesn’t do the same? What if the Loser’s patience finally runs out?
In a relationship of sacrifice, someone will (ultimately) feel like the victim, martyr, and savior. This happens because one person is getting something more than their partner. And this isn’t healthy!
So what’s better than sacrifice? The answer is cooperation!
Creativity is needed to ensure that these two distinct ideas, needs, and desires are mutually fulfilled. Each partner supports the other, and ultimately, each partner feels they’re getting what they want and need. They may even feel like they’re getting more than they bargained for.
Finding a win/win solution like this isn’t easy. It requires cooperation and hard work from both you and your partner. But it won’t create a loser and a winner. It won’t leave behind painful feelings, victimization, or other negative emotions.
3. Not Having Time for Myself
Being a couple doesn’t have to mean being together all the time. Everyone needs time alone. You and your partner need time alone too. Everyone needs time to be themselves and do the things they love.
So if your partner plans to hang out with friends or asks for some alone time, don’t get angry or stop them. Acknowledge that they need it. Use that time to do things you enjoy, like watching football, watching political news, or hanging out with friends, things you might find difficult with your partner.
4. Not Thinking
We often do negative things without thinking, especially when we’re angry. Perhaps when you were angry with your partner, you scolded them with harsh words? Sweared at them? Or even slapped them? Hmmm… perhaps you regretted it and apologized for what you did. But even if they say they forgive you, your harsh words will still be there—hanging in their mind forever.
So when you’re angry, think before you speak. Press the pause button on your mouth, take a deep breath, and then ask yourself, “Is what I’m about to say helpful, useful, intelligent, important, and polite?” If not, keep your mouth shut. This is far better than getting angry and then regretting and apologizing later.
5. Trying to Change Him
Many people know that trying to change their partner in a relationship is not good, but often they still do it unconsciously.
Every person is unique, with different personalities, habits, and behaviors. And relationship breakdowns often stem from trying to change our partners to fit our own desires.
Take an honest look at yourself, do you often try to change or control your partner?
Maybe when he is sad, annoyed, or angry, and his text messages to you become short, you protest and get angry why his text messages are not like usual?
Maybe just because you like women who wear high heels, you ask your partner to wear high heels wherever she is with you, even though you know she is the type of woman who doesn’t like wearing high heels?
Be honest with yourself: are you trying to control and change your partner? Remember that trying to change your partner to suit your desires can strain your relationship—and even end it.
Conclusion
If you find yourself making any of these mistakes, don’t blame yourself. This article by Men-id is designed to help you identify mistakes you may have made in your previous relationships. This way, you can avoid them in your next relationship, ensuring a long-lasting and happy one.
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